Before meeting one another in mediation I invite each person individually into a listening space (online, or in person) where what their concerns at the situation may be fully heard and witnessed.

If possible I seek the agreement of both people to come into the space together for a  conversation.  If as time goes on they begin to hear each other, then all may go well – for to be heard is to be met. 

For one person in conflict to feel genuinely met by the person they have been most set against, it can be as if a door opens. The whole atmosphere changes, becoming less guarded, and more curious. 

A field of connection can emerge, and even the temperature of the room may seem different, as those present begin to make discoveries.

And what emerges may be that most precious thing in mediation: a breakthrough –  something they hadn’t seen before about themselves, each other, what’s needed, and what might still be possible.

Whether there’s been a major falling out, or a cooling of relations, or even if meaningful exchanges seem to have stopped forever,  I encourage a special kind of listening from all who come to me for mediation; a listening where the will to understand has replaced the will to win.